Tim Ashdown is the celebrated host of the chat show blog.
The world celebrated a milestone this week when the last remaining human not on Facebook finally joined. I know, because it was me.
Okay, I wasn’t literally the last one, but safe to say there aren’t many people around Adelaide who aren’t on Facebook. You could count them on one hand – and send a status update with the other.
Everyone’s on Facebook. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a young person or an old person. Actually, it doesn’t even matter whether you’re a person – most businesses are on Facebook too.
Now we can interact online with every business from Coca-Cola to the restaurant around the corner.
I remember when you would take your business elsewhere if you got bad service. Now we jump onto Facebook and organise a social revolution every time we find a hair in our soup.
There’s no denying Facebook has changed the way we live. Dean Martin would be scratching his handsome head. Now you’re nobody till somebody likes you.
But don’t worry. There are plenty of somebodies out there.
If Facebook was a country, it would have the third largest population in the world. Sure, its main industry would be FarmVille and its national anthem would be The Star-Spangled Banner Ad, but that’s impressive.
Not to mention true.
Everyone I’ve ever met is on Facebook. Since joining I’ve reunited with friends I haven’t heard from in years. I haven’t seen some of these people since I stopped wearing parachute pants. (Alright, that’s an exaggeration. Occasionally I still wear parachute pants.)
People I knew as a kid now have their own kids who are on Facebook.
So why did I never join?
Because Facebook seemed scary. What if people didn’t like me? What if I didn’t have many friends? What if my comments didn’t make any sense? I already get enough of all this in real life.
When I go online I want to sit in a corner of Twitter all by myself and pretend like I understand what’s going on, thank you very much.
Speaking of which, Twitter’s great. Even if you have an awkward moment at least you know it’s only going to last for 140 characters or less.
But clearly Facebook is where everyone’s hanging out. If Twitter is the corner store where you might bump into someone you know, Facebook is Westfield Marion where you’ve bumped into your high school math teacher before you’ve even parked your car.
It just takes some of us longer to find a space.
I could tell some people were wondering why I would bother getting onto Facebook after all this time. Joining Facebook in 2013 is like turning up at the opera while the fat lady’s singing. Or arriving at a house party at the same time as the police.
It’s too late.
But people have been nice. One friend sent me a message to say “Welcome to Facebook.” I felt like I’d moved to a new neighbourhood. Actually, I felt like I’d moved to a new civilisation.
My first few moments on Facebook were startling. I felt like the guy from that remote Amazon tribe, untouched by civilisation, wearing a loin cloth and pointing wide-eyed at the first aeroplane he’s ever seen.
“Hm, this is different.”
I knew my life was changing, but I didn’t understand how. At least the tribesman gets his photo in National Geographic. What do I get? A “news feed”, whatever that is. Plus I have to wear pants.
But change isn’t a bad thing. We all have to do it. Look at Kurt Tippett. He changed footy clubs and… okay, bad example.
But here’s the thing about Facebook. It means we never totally lose touch. You could move interstate, overseas, probably even into outer space and still see what you’re old next door neighbour is up to.
Like I only half-jokingly said to one of my new Facebook friends: Hello, 21st century. It’s good to be here.
Tim Ashdown is host of the thechatshowblog.wordpress.com.
You can find him on twitter: @TimothyAshdown
Like Life of Bry Bry? Feel you could write in a similar style with a similar message? Contact me if you would like to guest post. I don’t bite.